Cigarettes?

Do I even have to address this stupid topic?
A cigarette is cancer in a stick.
You can either get active cancer (smoking) or passive cancer (being around someone who smokes). Take your pick.
Do you want to huff and puff and be short of breath?
Do you want to have yellow teeth and bad breath?
Do you want extra wrinkles and crepey skin?
Is there something wrong with the air you breathe?
Do you want to experience the joys of lung cancer or emphysema?
Do you have lots of money to waste?
There is no one good reason for the existence of cigarettes.
Cigarettes = pure stupidity.

"Sex & the City" and my kids

My Mother was horrified that I let my young teenage children watch Sex & the City. She thought it was far too risqué (her word).

I made the usual argument. “Well...they watch how to kill and maim, rape and plunder, how to blow things up, how to load guns and shoot them. What’s wrong with learning about love and sex?” She still didn’t buy it.

Not only did I let them watch it (only occasionally telling them to close their eyes, which they did gladly—sometimes too much information is, well, too much and even they knew it) but when they got to high school, I bought the entire series and we watched it together from start to finish.

It was the best sex education my kids could have had. Because they watched their friends -- Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha -- struggle to make sense of sex. They saw, episode-by-episode, that sex isn't perfect or easy.

We laughed and cried our way through the cocktails, the fabulous clothes, beautiful Manhattan inside and out, great apartments, vacations, cultural events, the restaurants and the bars -- all sprinkled with sex. Rather than turning my kids into precocious or jaded monsters, Sex & the City showed them "it's a wonderful life" but complicated.

They saw good sex, bad sex, confused sex, kinky sex, no sex. They learned an entire lexicon about kissing, hand holding, sexual positions, masturbating, dildos, penis size, premature ejaculation, fetishes, three ways, prostitutes, sexually transmitted diseases, homosexuality, transvestites, et al. But they saw all this vis a vis characters they had come to know and like.

But more than the techniques and vocabulary of sexual life, they saw the excitement, anguish and pitfalls of dating and looking for love. They saw men and women trying to love each other, the missed signals, the fighting, the making up and the sad parting of the ways. They saw loneliness, selfishness, neurosis and generosity. They saw different sexual appetites and attitudes. They saw testicular cancer, breast cancer, alcoholism, drug use – and all how it related to sex and sexuality.

From the vantage point of my age and experience, the best thing they learned is that sex is something you can laugh about -- and then get on with the ever fascinating business of living.

Not your usual sex tips

1. You are not born a great lover. You become a great lover, by experimenting and learning – what you like, what sex means to you, what your lover likes. In addition to experimental learning, do some homework and hit the books. There are some great sex books out there. As in everything you want to learn in life: practice.

2. With each lover in your life, you begin at zero. Each lover is a different communication where you begin again. You might think you are an accomplished lover, but suddenly you will find yourself fumbling like a teenager.

3. Sex is about communication, both verbal and nonverbal. Communicate to your partner what you like and what you don’t like. Ask your partner the same. Don’t be a selfish lover. Learn how to give pleasure and how to receive pleasure. A great lover is open and sensitive.

4. Masturbating is sex. Good sex. Do it and enjoy it. It relaxes you, gets rid of tension, makes you feel better, keeps you happy. It is another aspect of your sexuality. (Such an ugly sounding word for something so nice, don't you think?)

5. Sex means different things to different people. For some it doesn’t mean all that much. Others obsess about it. For some, sex as the ultimate expression of intimacy and love, for others, it is a physical act of release, nothing more. For some it is recreational, for others it is a religious experience. All these attitudes will change of the tone of your sexual encounters with different lovers in your life. Everyone has different limits and appetites for sex.

6. Nobody is having as much sex as you think they are. Don’t compare yourself to other people’s sex lives.

7. Having sex or not should not affect your self esteem. You are still a sexy man and a sexy woman even if you are not having sex. Don't let other people make you feel bad if you are not having sex.

8. If you’re not having sex, you are still a sexual being. You are still sexy and sensual.

9. You will spend more of your life not having sex than you will having it.

10. Don’t have sex if you don’t want to. Take responsibility. Have principles. Don’t be manipulated by people. Don’t be ruled by your penis or your vagina. You are not a doggy on the street; there are moral decisions to be made. Be the adult and say no if the situation isn’t right.

11. If you have sex with people at work rest assured, it will create problems. I'm not telling you what to do, just the facts. People gossip. You can’t concentrate. Your performance suffers. If things get awkward, you’ll be looking for a new job.

12. Don’t sleep with your best friend’s boy/girlfriend or husband/wife.

13. Be discrete because discretion is sexy. Don’t talk about your sex life or betray intimate secrets of your lovers. Don’t brag about your sex life to your friends. Only insecure people need to boast about their sexual prowess. If their sex is so good, why do they have to talk about it?

14. Sex is powerful. Respect its power.

15. Having sex means you will be hurt by sex. A whole variety of hurts. I won't even bother to catalog them. Just pick yourself up, brush yourself off. Love yourself and know that you are the most lovable, sexiest person alive.

16. Use condoms.

Your sex life (Don't believe movie sex)

You’re thinking, “Zheesh! The last person I want to get sex advice from is my Mother."

But, me being me, here it is anyway. And, it is actually really nice advice.

I’ll just say this: Sex is for you to discover and enjoy.

And this: What I wish for you is to have a beautiful sexual life.

Sex, like everything in life, is extremely paradoxical and complex. How’s that for an understatement?

Sex is extremely important, and yet, in the grand scheme of things, sex is not important at all.

Society has a false and damaging preoccupation with “having a great sex life.” When you aren’t having sex, it becomes the most important thing in the world. And when you are having sex, you sort of forget about it and take it for granted.

Sex takes on different meanings during your life, ebbing and flowing. Each generation of youth bursts forth into their own sexuality. All young people feel they are inventing sex. And in a sense you are. Because you must each invent a sexual life for yourselves.

Sex is a chameleon, changing colors all the time. Sex can be wonderful, easy, beautiful, spiritual, delicate. But it can also be scary, uncomfortable, embarrassing, weird, mean. Sex can also be disappointing, frustrating and sad.

Society bombards us with the message that sex, and sexuality, is the most important thing in the world. Typically, your first view of sex is in the movies and in books. Novels are filled with detailed sex scenes. The movies show us glistening images of attractive young movie stars with great hair, makeup, pretty, honed bodies having perfect, sensual, lustful sex. They swoon over each other like synchronized swimmers, usually climaxing at the same music filled moment.

This assault of perfection in the movies and in literature does nothing but undermine you. How can you possibly measure up? The problem is, you will think that this is actually what will happen when you finally do have sex. Movie sex is not reality. Imagine, the cameras a few feet away with a crew of onlookers, body doubles stand by, the lovers are acting.

So don’t be surprised if the first time you kiss someone, you don’t feel fireworks. Same with sexual intercourse. Sex is an acquired taste and skill.

Americans tend to separate their sexuality from their persona. Sex is something they “have” or “do.” Europeans and Latin Americans think differently. They believe that your sexuality is your entire being. Your sexuality not just the sex act per se, it is who you are -- the way you act, dress, eat, play, enjoy and live your life.