Friday, April 18, 2008

Your sex life (Don't believe movie sex)

You’re thinking, “Zheesh! The last person I want to get sex advice from is my Mother."

But, me being me, here it is anyway. And, it is actually really nice advice.

I’ll just say this: Sex is for you to discover and enjoy.

And this: What I wish for you is to have a beautiful sexual life.

Sex, like everything in life, is extremely paradoxical and complex. How’s that for an understatement?

Sex is extremely important, and yet, in the grand scheme of things, sex is not important at all.

Society has a false and damaging preoccupation with “having a great sex life.” When you aren’t having sex, it becomes the most important thing in the world. And when you are having sex, you sort of forget about it and take it for granted.

Sex takes on different meanings during your life, ebbing and flowing. Each generation of youth bursts forth into their own sexuality. All young people feel they are inventing sex. And in a sense you are. Because you must each invent a sexual life for yourselves.

Sex is a chameleon, changing colors all the time. Sex can be wonderful, easy, beautiful, spiritual, delicate. But it can also be scary, uncomfortable, embarrassing, weird, mean. Sex can also be disappointing, frustrating and sad.

Society bombards us with the message that sex, and sexuality, is the most important thing in the world. Typically, your first view of sex is in the movies and in books. Novels are filled with detailed sex scenes. The movies show us glistening images of attractive young movie stars with great hair, makeup, pretty, honed bodies having perfect, sensual, lustful sex. They swoon over each other like synchronized swimmers, usually climaxing at the same music filled moment.

This assault of perfection in the movies and in literature does nothing but undermine you. How can you possibly measure up? The problem is, you will think that this is actually what will happen when you finally do have sex. Movie sex is not reality. Imagine, the cameras a few feet away with a crew of onlookers, body doubles stand by, the lovers are acting.

So don’t be surprised if the first time you kiss someone, you don’t feel fireworks. Same with sexual intercourse. Sex is an acquired taste and skill.

Americans tend to separate their sexuality from their persona. Sex is something they “have” or “do.” Europeans and Latin Americans think differently. They believe that your sexuality is your entire being. Your sexuality not just the sex act per se, it is who you are -- the way you act, dress, eat, play, enjoy and live your life.

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