Monday, April 7, 2008

Pablo is going to college!

"When you go to college..." It's a phrase you say to your child all his/her life, staring from the day they are born. It's a cliche, it's a dream, it's far off into some unknown future. You want it for your child, but are thankful the day will never come.

It came. It's now.

My baby boy, my first born, Pablo, IS going to college. Grinnell College. Class of 2012. He's not only leaving home, but he's leaving the country. His presence in my life will never be the same again. When he returns home, it will be as a visitor.

Tears well at odd moments of the day. I know there is nothing more for him, right now, in Yucatan, at our home. He needs to become who he is, away from me, on his own in the world. It is the end of a certain kind of Mothering -- the delight of the day to day intimacy, of my eyes loving my child, of being able to call his name and knowing he will answer.

The only thing that soothes me is knowing how happy he will be. Campus life is wonderful. College is a beautiful bubble: You're on your own and not paying for it. My college years were a treasure of discovery and delights and I know they will be for him as well.

"The empty nest." A cliche and also a real issue to resolve, as all parents do. I am left to contemplate Pablo's empty room and my reinvention as a Mother of an adult "child." It will never be the same again. Something big is over -- for both of us.

I cry in private. To him I show my proud and happy face. I am proud and happy for him. We must let each other go. He will only understand how much it hurts when he lets his own child go. In some distant future.

Right now though, the world is his, and he wants at it.

Godspeed my darling.

1 comment:

Meredith Gould said...

Welcome to the blogosphere! I'll be adding you to my Google reader feed. If he'll still let you, please give Pablo a big hug from me. If not, a high five will do. Grinnell is a great school. Congratulations.